


The Heart-Fluttering First Snow of November

by stardustlings (kas2umi)



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Light Angst, M/M, Post-lawsuit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-15 21:28:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10557988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kas2umi/pseuds/stardustlings
Summary: Throughout the seasons of growing further apart, Yunho finds himself hating fall the most.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [kpopolymfics2017](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/kpopolymfics2017) collection. 



> This fic was written for K-Pop Olymfics 2017. Olymfics is a challenge in which participants write fics based on prompt sets and compete against other teams of writers, organized by genre. 
> 
> This is Team Canon’s fic for the following prompt set:  
>  **Crush – "Fall"**  
> [lyrics](http://kpoply.com/crush-fall-lyrics-english/) | [video](https://youtu.be/FNnYIIdTBhQ) | [supplementary](https://www.flickr.com/photos/lynnepettinger/4695744495) [prompts](http://66.media.tumblr.com/cdf803731ebc67213630163ff5bbcf85/tumblr_oh975jt2j51v9m0i0o1_500.png)
> 
> The other 2 fics for this prompt can be found in [the collection](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/kpopolymfics2017). Competition winners are chosen by the readers, so please rate this fic using [this survey](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfc6rK-S89xh0mllfdo5ZwDMY_caK2AHqOXfmuIeq21FVwV2g/viewform)!
> 
>  
> 
> _**(a short thank you note)**_  
>  _to my awesome beta and fandom eonnie, you saved my bum once again. to my aquarius puppy - talking with you always makes me happy. my clingy koala whose ‘love you’ message popped up as I was writing this. captain hedgehog of #teamgaybathtub, you're the cutest captain ever (and I'm sorry for my deadline breaches). lastly a huge thank you to my baby that somehow became a habibi as we edited this in google docs. to my team, IF THIS GETS POSTED BEFORE I MANAGE TO GET TO MY PC AND SQUEEZE IT IN I AM SORRY for I have forgotten to add a gay bathtub._

**_Sometime Fall 2010, Seoul_ **

**_03:26_ **

_‘You have’_ a pause _‘around three hours to rest. Get some sleep and I’ll pick you up at 7am sharp, so be ready then’_ Yunho palms his face with a soft sigh and mutters a hum as an answer. The line is disconnected and he pockets his phone.

The elevator stops. Carding his fingers through the dark brown strands of hair that somehow managed to get a mind of their own during the filming Yunho takes out the keys to the apartment and juggles them in his other palm; he is home. Or somewhat a pass-thru station where he gets to take a quick shower and lay on the couch for a few hours the most (he rarely makes it to the bedroom).

Unlocking the front door he is greeted with something he had come to hate and appreciate at the same time - the silence, as paradoxical it may sound, was deafening.

Yunho remembers the times as a kid when he was scared of the dark. The creatures that may lurk in the corners of his room back home, that monster under the bed. The nights he would spend listening, perking his ears to any sound and rustle that may occur, but nothing would happen. With years, he’d often laugh at himself how silly he was, but after all it was a childish fear.

Right now, as the digital numbers on his lock screen showed it was well past three in the morning, he could feel nothing but familiarity and connection to the darkness and silence; thrown back into the childhood only this time he was grown enough to know monsters don’t lurk in the dark - they were inside us.

Dropping his backpack on the floor next to his shoes he walked towards the balcony doors that faced an array of buildings and streets illuminated with dim yellow lights. The air greeting his face was colder than a while back while walking the street; an early winter scent was strong and strangely reminded Yunho of concrete mixed with scent of sparse Japanese maple trees.

It was refreshing.

Last winter smelled of tears; warm tears and sweaty palms that somehow didn't manage to hold grip of things anymore. The spring that followed was enchanting in its glory of drowsy nights spent smoking cigarette after cigarette next to the open window.

Summer was nothing short of worn out limbs going through routine after routine of dance moves; hot stale air prickling at his senses. Seasons passed one after another, nature's clock as sharp and precise as ever, and then came fall. The ever so nostalgic period where scents of dying plants mixed with the dust getting swept up by the rain. It was a season of changes, and some were more than Yunho could have handled.

Stepping onto the balcony he leaned onto the metal railing and breathed in. Everything reminded him of someone whose scent was long gone. Someone whose scent he tries his best not to forget completely. Each season carried notes of memories past, dreams of joined hands and sleepy kisses. Now, the sheets, the pillows. Towels and hoodies in the closet. All they carried now was the plain fragrance of laundry detergent and himself.

Yunho thought of his life as a free-fall. A coffee mug that slipped out of Jaejoong’s hands and has been falling down in slow motion ever since. In all of its glory, the warm liquid splattering all over the air surrounding the ceramic, inching slowly towards its impending doom.

He couldn’t help but sigh; this time last year everything was so different.

-

‘ _I erase you then draw you_  
_out again. then I let you go,_  
_let you go in the wind. where_  
_the wind blows, wherever that_  
_is, I can meet you. I know, my_  
_heart knows, it is wanting you_.’

-

**_04:12_ **

Microwaved ramen was not the tastiest meal he’s had in the past few days, but it was all his stomach was able to digest at the moment. Back in the days, after hours of packed schedules and all-nighters, Jaejoong was the one to fix him something up; just like that. Magic. At times it tasted like eating straight from the Garden of Eden (trust Jaejoong to work his skills that way).

Yunho missed it more than he was ready to admit. He missed it more that Jaejoong could possibly know.

The bickerings and shouting, random jokes that made no sense but somehow still managed to curve those lips into the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. And the way some books depicted characters that just wake up one morning set on forgetting everything that’s hurt them, Yunho wondered how. How does one just forget and move on?

Neither the now cold ramen or Yunho knew the answer.

-

‘ _I’m erasing you,_  
_your memories somewhere_  
_where the wind blows,_  
_wherever that is, I can hear you_  
_I know, my heart knows,_  
_where it wants you’_

-

**_04:37_ **

The thing that troubled him the most was the fact Yunho knew nothing of the man. It was not that kind of ‘nothing’ where he couldn't find out if he wanted to - it was the kind where he was afraid of doing so.

On mornings like this one, trying to close his eyes and get that much needed sleep, thoughts would wreck havoc in his mind and the question repeating itself remained unchanged; does Jaejoong miss him at all? Does he wake up at night and in that sleepy daze touch that empty side of the bed only to be met with cold sheets against his palm? Yunho didn’t know.

But the thing he did know was that somehow all those books about moving on had breakups just like this one and promises to never fall in love again.

Looking at his phone Yunho let out a groan. He needed to sleep.

-

‘ _my heart that froze with_  
_the cold wind in early winter_  
_It has changed_  
_after meeting you_  
_like the heart-fluttering_  
_first snow of november_  
_I am stopped in time like a fool’_

-

**_Sometime Fall 2011, Seoul_ **

**_09:24_ **

“We head to the airport in less than five hours.” The manager fumbled with some papers in his hand. Changmin looked unfazed by the talk, clearly giving out under the sheer tiredness. Yunho smiled at him fondly. “Ok, this is settled then,” the man spoke to himself and faced the singers. “Go rest now, you don’t have much time.”

Changming muttered a half-assed ‘later hyung’ as Yunho exited the car. With only these few hours left until they head to Japan after having arrived from Sydney only hours ago, Yunho couldn't wait to just plop himself on that couch and close his eyes. It was too much.

Walking that familiar path from the elevator to his front door, he could feel it all coming back and crushing in; Yunho hated being here at this time of the year.

Everything screamed Jaejoong yet nothing of the man remained inside of the apartment.

Not bothering to even take his shoes off Yunho laid on the couch. The air smelled of cigarette smoke mixed with layers of dust he somehow always forgot to clean up. He wanted to get up and open the windows but didn't find the strength to do so; it could wait a bit more.

He recalls the mug metaphor.

Another set of seasons had flown by, another inch closer to the hard floor.

Winter that year was hard, bed sheets colder than usual as he laid there in a loop of longing and regret. The fresh spring that followed had in no way mirrored his inner state of mind and restlessness; the scents of it ever so Jaejoong. Summer somehow remained the same as the year before.

And then leafs began kissing the ground and occasional downpours washed the concrete jungle stretching outside that balcony.

The vicious loop hadn't changed one bit.

Only this time he tried to convince himself he's okay, everything's okay. He tried to smile more and cry out less, and it worked a few times.

But that mug was now but a hair’s breadth away from collision as was his soul, Yunho muses.

Fall or the fall, he couldn't pinpoint the more cruel one of the two.

-

‘ _don’t leave me, don’t leave me_  
_from the place we used to cry_  
_and laugh. don’t leave me_  
_don’t leave me (don’t leave)_  
_from the place we used to_  
_be together (from the place)’_

-

**_11:15_ **

Yunho tries to remember the scent of Jaejoong’s skin.

At times it was plain vanilla and something spicy, then it was sandalwood with an undertone of orchids. Other times it was clean sweat and pheromones that would just make him press his tongue against the singer’s throat; a cheeky laughter erupting inside Jaejoong’s chest.

Yunho wonders if Jaejoong misses it too. Yunho’s touch against the pale flesh, his lips tracing the dips and curves of the singer’s torso. The rough makeouts into the night and soft kisses in the mornings; how is Jaejoong without all that?

With a laugh that came out more like a cry of pain Yunho placed his forearm against his eyelids.

-

‘ _my heart that froze with_  
_the cold wind in early winter_  
_it can’t say anything_  
_else but I love you_  
_because of your words,_  
_I couldn’t speak or see_  
_in the memories of november’_

-

**_13:49_ **

Eyeing the crumpled piece of paper Yunho holds back a sob. The lyrics feel so heartbreaking as he reads them over and over again, each line carrying so much significance.

It was something he had written over the days when longing was too hard to bear and he felt like he could die of heartache any minute then.

Now, it's a confession. A plea, and his heart laid out for Jaejoong to take it once again (Yunho doesn't care if it hurts, he just wants him back).

Before he closes his eyes to the tiredness that’s finally overcome his body, he smiles at the note adorning the lower right corner of the paper.

‘ _ ~~I wanna fall in love~~  
I hope this song reaches your heart_ ’

-

**Author's Note:**

> apart from the assigned prompt, this was inspired by [November With Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBLciICafio) _(composed/sang by Jung Yunho)_. it is a beautiful song that shows of his vocals and composing skills in the most perfect way and it's that song that has my shipper heart going haywire for all the meaning it carries within those lines. as my beta said, this was _'easier for you to write, and so much like your first works for the fandom'_. i find yunho's perspective hard to write from because i'm scared i won't do it justice... i hope all of you that know him as much as i do will find this decent. on the other hand, if you've missed the note at the beginning of the page, to score this fic visit [this survey](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfc6rK-S89xh0mllfdo5ZwDMY_caK2AHqOXfmuIeq21FVwV2g/viewform)! ☆


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